The Black Market Botanist

“A skilled young botanist, Felidae spends her days researching rare (and often illegal) plants, creating herbal tinctures, and curing ailments” - Almanac of Palia*

Chapter Index

Vol I

Childhood Daze
Herbs & Tinctures
The Fat Cat's Share
On the Dock's

Vol II

Last Orders & Loose Ends
Returning to Seed
Into the Woods
A Scholarly Pursuit

Vol III

Trivia
Gallery
Reference Images
Footnotes

Please use the links above to navigate this page.

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Gravitropism

Eryn is an insert for the player character. Basically her and Reth love eachother a lot but it always feels like A) Reth puts her on a bit of a pedestal considering she's well liked, a human, and she helped him out of the cartel. He feels a bit of imposter syndrome when it comes to the role he played in getting a cure for his sister as he feels like he actually didn't do much (his sister found the cure, Zeki created the coupler, the player can handle flow and such and did all the errand work) so there's also that factor. I want to reiterate the fact that this is a loving relationship between two people who care A LOT about eachother, but as you'll see, hopefully i've written it well enough that their breakdown is natural. There's also the fact that settling down after cartel life isn't as easy as it seems. For one, he's fallen out with Felidae. He also can't seem to make genuine friendships in the valley as he struggles to get close with people. Yes he overshares but it's more of a nervous thing to do with trying to prove he isn't a bad guy, rather than actually wanting to talk about himself. He now has a lot more free time to process everything that's happened over the last several years and it's hitting him like a freight train. Hes very lucky to have his girlfriend as she's very grounding, but he also constantly feels like he's still holding her back considering all he wants to do is fill his spare time with work, or seeing her. At first, he's quite needy and clingy, as he's not sure what to do with himself. But then it's like she can't get rid of him lol. She might make passing comment that makes him retreat back into his shell again. He's a very all or nothing type character as that's what he's used to, and he's still trying to figure out who he is beyond a cartel errand boy and his sisters "saviour". He doesn't have any identity other than the persona he puts on, and even that doesn't fit anymore.

Because of this, he might overcompensate a lot in their relationship. As he's not too good with prioritising, one moment he might be all over Eryn, loving on her, spending the night, making dinner, organising cute dates, the next he might be emotionally absent, not in a bland or dry way but in a way that "you're sat across from me, or you're in my arms, and I feel like your mind is elsewhere". He avoids deep meaningful conversations by showering her in love and gifts as he feels like that as long as she's taken care of, he can figure his own shit out. He works alongside Zeki and Tish to devise a plan with the douplifier to combat the scarcity of the cartel, and while he's working on this, Eryn gets more connected with Subira, who works for the order. The order are also trying to take down the cartel. Now this is where, if we were in canon, Reth and Eryn could possibly work, although I still believe that there are problems with making the player character "Reth's Saviour" and him jumping into his first relationship right away means he's also very emotionally immature about all this stuff. She's patient with him at first, maybe offers support but understands Reth likes to figure things out himself first before asking for help so she gives him a little space. but she starts feeling shut out, and she stops getting real answers from him. In my story, Tish falls ill again. And no one can figure out why considering she's meant to be cured! Turns out, the cure she used in game didn't work as her body has become so dependant on flow that without it, the cure only masked the symptoms. and within a few months she was back to ill again. this time much worse. the flower she had used before had wilted, and so they needed to seek felidae's help again. The flower she was wearing between her originally finding "The Cure" versus the actual flower is a replica made by Jel.

This is why when they find a replacement, Eryn doesn't realise Tish has fallen ill again because to her, Tish never took off the flower. Blah blah blah felidae helps and they reconcile and they're both mad at eachother but understand that Felidae was pulling back because she felt like Reth didn't need her anymore because he had a new life above ground and that was terrifying for her #avoidant, and Reth never understood why Felidae had changed so much and would lie to him about being involved in Zoraya's plan. Felidae tells him that she now has a cartel contract which she didn't have before, and that she will supply the flow to his sister and he can pay her directly instead of the cartel. Reth refuses as he doesn't want Felidae to cover for her but she insists, just until he's found his feet. During this time, his relationship with Eryn is more strained than ever because he doesn't want to tell her that Tish is sick again as that means getting her involved with business that this time, she can't fix. It also is an added pressure that she is now working with Subira to combat the cartel, and because he needs the cartels source again now, he can't really just be like "hahah yo babe just to let you know that all that work you did to get me out, guess what? it was all for nothing LMFAOOO"

Anyways, as he and Felidae reconcile, i won't go into detail but her aunt, Zeki and Reth all devise a plan that they could use Felidae's fathers notes to try and devise a flow derivative from plants of the elderwood to create something that is chemically similar but without the catastrophic effects. Eryn knows something is up and asks Tish and Zeki if Reth's okay. Tish says he's picked up more shifts with Ashura and is working on the plan with Zeki, which is the truth, but she doesn't divulge the whole thing. She knows they've been having issues and she feels it's politer not to bring up too much detail, not because she wants to lie but because she doesn't want to get involved. she actually isn't aware that Reth is yet again hiding things from her. Zeki will cover for Reth, and suggest she talks to him herself. There's a lot of shame and guilt on Reth's end as he doesn't want to let Eryn down over the fact he's back involved with the cartel again, albeit it in a very minor way. Not only that, but at this point, he's already got so many people involved, getting Eryn involved wouldn't help his cause in any way. And by Reth Logic, telling her wouldn't help because it would only make her more keen to get involved and that would put her in a really awkward position between her and The Order, and he wouldn't want to force that upon her. He sees this as his problem, and due to his shame and identity problems, he kinda views it like "i'm not the person i promised id be when i gave her my pin so if i quietly fixed this maybe i will be better" it's such an unrealistic mindset as he felt the same way about the cartel and yet nothing changed. he's constantly looking outside instead of internally to fix things and that's one of his major flaws.

Eryn becomes adjacent to a situation she isn't allowed to fully understand, she feels excluded but not rejected (but the result feels similar. She starts feeling like "everyone knows something i don't" and when she confronts Reth as to why she can't help and get involved with the plan with the douplifier, he says things like: "It's not as simple as it originally seemed" "Me and Zeki have knowledge of the cartel from years of learning their tricks" "It's all currently just theory" In Eryn's mind, because she doesn't know anything about Tish falling ill again, she just sees Reth as overly obsessed with this plan, and she tells him that he's done with that life and he's getting too consumed with something much bigger than him. Reth tells her it's not that easy when for the past several years it's all you've ever known. They leave it at that for the night. However, nothing is resolved, and they slowly begin to break down. Eryn realises, in her view and what she knows (that this is all in the past) is that she can't build a life with someone so focused on the past.

After he returns from the underground one evening, she's waiting for him in his storeroom, and he knows it's not gonna be good. They talk, and Eryn comes into the conversation a little accusing but also tired, like she's already made up her mind and this is his final chance to prove her wrong. She tells him she doesn't feel like she's part of his life anymore, and she knows that hes been finding things difficult lately but she's his partner and she just wants to help. and shutting her out isn't going to help anyone. He deflects, he mentions how he's just been stressed with work and the plan takes his mind off things, that he's just been busy trying to find his place and he's sorry if he's been all over the place. She knows he's not being fully truthful, which is more frustrating to her than if he was outright lying, so she pushes again. "Let me help you. support you" She's willing to stay if he lets her in. "Why won't you let me help you?" "Because it isn't as simple as defeating scarcity anymore, and it doesn't end with just helping, it just gets worse from there"

He admits there is more going on than she knows, and he desperately wants to tell her, he loves her and trusts her and he knows deep down she deserves to know. but he can't stop thinking about all the trouble it could cause, not only the disappointment but her place within the world and the Order. She's deeper into that situation now and he can't make her choose between him or her morals. "I want to tell you, but I can't drag you into this again" "So then where do I fit into this?" It's a realisation moment for Eryn that he loves her, and he is trying (in his own ways), but he'll never fully let her in the way she wants. and she stops fighting it. "Is this something you think you owe?" "It's complicated" "It's never that complicated" and although she pushes, she never gets a straight answer. "Are you working for them again?" "No." "Do you think i'd turn on you?" "No." "So why won't you just let me in?" "I don't want to put you in a position where you have to choose, I don't want you to get involved with that side of my life again" "I'm your partner, I'm part of your life whether you like it or not" "Eryn."

he looks at her, and she can tell he's mulling it over. could this be a breakthrough? Instead, he just dips his head and she knows she's lost him. In that moment, all he's thinking is "Why me? You can do better than me" and all she's thinking is "then be better" he's succumbed to that mindset of himself. and he's beating himself up because in his mind, had he been better, and solved this quicker, none of this would've happened. and in her mind, this was inevitable. and she's just more upset he didn't think to include her in it. not in his work, but as part of his world..

and the conversation ends with "I can't be with someone who won't include me in their life if they can't see me in their future" or somethin similar." "I've offered to stand beside you but you keep building a life i'm not a part of" and he's asking her not to leave and they can talk this out but she's made up her mind, he's trying to fix it emotionally not logically, telling her he promises he's trying to do better and he's doing it to protect her but this doesn't actually solve the core issue that she's right. that he's not involving her in the bad parts of his life, and that those are still parts of his life. he can't avoid them forever or not include her in them. "I know you love me. but it's not enough." Because being showered in love and praise and gifts starts to feel pretty shallow when you know it's to cover up deeper issues. He's left in his storeroom knowing it's over. They love eachother, and it still isn't enough. She leaves her pin. and it's over.